Good morning addicts,

Welcome back to your daily dose of Crypto Coffee Break. Poured fresh, served hot. ☕

Bitcoin hit $78K, pulled back, and now everyone's staring at the chart wondering if they missed it, or if the real move hasn't even started yet. Let's look at the data. 📊

Perpetual funding rates just hit their most negative level since the FTX crash bottom in 2022, and every prior episode of similar extremes has aligned with a local price low and a sharp recovery.

Shorts are historically crowded. Price won't collapse. History says the squeeze is coming. 👀

One analyst is targeting $125,000 within 30 to 60 days if the setup resolves to the upside, which would make everyone who sold at $62K feel physically ill. 💀

The risk?

Three catalysts land in the next two weeks, Iran ceasefire expiry April 22, FOMC April 28, and a potential CLARITY Act vote in early May. One bad headline and the trade gets messy fast.

Compelling setup. Real landmines. Not financial advice, just your morning coffee. ☕😅

What we’ve covered for you today:

Remember when Goldman Sachs said Bitcoin had no clear use case? Good times. 😅

Goldman Sachs has filed with the SEC for the Goldman Sachs Bitcoin Premium Income ETF, the bank's first ever directly issued Bitcoin product, after years of publicly dismissing crypto as speculative.

Here's the twist though…

The fund won't hold Bitcoin directly. Instead it invests in existing spot Bitcoin ETFs and sells call options against them to generate monthly income, giving cautious investors Bitcoin exposure with yield, but capping some of the upside in big rallies.

One analyst called it "boomer candy." We'll allow it. 😂

Goldman CEO David Solomon recently described himself as "an observer of Bitcoin." With a registration statement now filed and a potential launch around mid-June 2026, the observation phase appears to be closing.

When Goldman stops watching and starts filing, that's the market telling you something. ☕📈

While everyone nervously eyes the April 22 ceasefire expiry, at least one person is completely unbothered, and wants you to know. 😅

Liquid Capital founder Yi Lihua posted on X that there is "currently no reason to take profits" after the Hormuz reopening, arguing the war is "officially over" and peace is now "the only best choice" for both sides.

His bull case:

The S&P 500 at fresh highs, MicroStrategy buying more Bitcoin, and altcoin rotation still in play, signs the rebound has more room to run.

The honest truth buried at the bottom though:

Whether this proves prescient or complacent depends less on charts and more on tankers moving safely through a narrow strip of water off Iran's coast…

Nobody wants to talk about crypto taxes. But the IRS definitely wants to talk about yours. So let's make this quick. ☕

As of 2026, all centralised exchanges are required to issue Form 1099-DA, meaning your crypto sales are being reported directly to the IRS whether you like it or not.

Ignorance is no longer a defence. 💀

The good news is there are tools that do the heavy lifting. Here are the top three worth knowing about.

CoinLedger, rated best overall for ease of use and error reconciliation, starting at $49 for up to 100 transactions. Best for beginners and active DeFi traders with messy transaction histories.

Koinly, the simplest option and best for TurboTax integration, supporting 20+ countries and claiming to generate tax-compliant reports in under 20 minutes. Fast, clean, no fuss.

CoinTracker, strongest pick for DeFi support and full IRS compliance, integrating directly with both TurboTax and H&R Block. Great if your portfolio is complicated.

All three have free tiers to start.

Pick one, connect your wallets, and stop pretending this problem doesn't exist. The IRS definitely isn't. ☕⚖️

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Bitcoin is trading above the EMA ribbons right now…

Sounds bullish. And it might be. But we've been here before, and it didn't end well. 😬

Every previous time Bitcoin pushed above these ribbons in this cycle, it turned into a bull trap. Price got everyone excited, sucked in the late buyers, then quietly rolled back below and handed out losses like party favours.

The volume profile on the current move is showing eerily similar characteristics. Same shape. Same energy. Same vibe. 📊

That doesn't mean it's definitely a trap. It might be the real breakout. But the question "is it time to buy Bitcoin?" still doesn't have a clean answer.

Here's the simple rule:

If price holds above the EMA ribbons, the bull case is alive. If it falls back below, a deeper corrective move opens up, and everyone who bought the breakout is sitting in a very uncomfortable chair. 😅

Watch the close. Watch the ribbons. The chart is asking a question. It hasn't answered it yet. ☕⚠️

Whether the market pumps or dumps, there's always an opportunity. 👇

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AlphaNet, an AI quant trading platform incubated by Asian prop trading firm Tensor Investment, has raised $10 million in seed funding led by Joffre Capital, moving from invite-only to a full public launch to give retail traders access to institutional-grade algorithmic strategies.

Both Charles Schwab and Citadel Securities have confirmed they are weighing entering prediction markets, with both firms ruling out sports betting and eyeing financial event markets, as the sector hit a record $23.6 billion.

Bitcoin mining difficulty dipped 1.1% to 135.5T on Saturday, but is already projected to rise again in the next adjustment on May 1, meanwhile publicly traded miners including MARA, Riot and CleanSpark sold more than 32,000 BTC in Q1 2026. eady projected to

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Trump wants a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. The US government currently holds seized Bitcoin worth billions. So the plan is to buy high after already owning it for free. Classic. 😅